The Other Me

---Germany pictures coming very soon ----

Sometimes in life we make decisions that are good decision, great decisions, rewarding decisions even but in doing so we have to say no to something else. I got married at 19, had two kids by 22. I went from high school to a brief college stint with no money and another relationship into marriage and motherhood. I went from being daughter to mother and wife in a heartbeat. And hear this please - I AM SO THANKFUL. It was not what I had planned but God gave me the greatest blessings I could ever ask for. My life is fabulous. I am thankful for the awesome husband, loving children and creature comforts we have been blessed with. But to be her - mom, wife, hospital employee, property owner - I had to say no to the other LeShayne.

You know the one who would rather have the job that requires nonstop travel, that would like to sky dive and kayak on her weekends, that would like to travel the world without regard for where every dollar goes or whether the country is completely safe. The girl who wants to stay in hostels, do mission trips in third world countries and then go home. Maybe home in a city where a car is not needed, where public transportation is the norm and maybe even where the language spoken is not my first.

Traveling to Germany was a bittersweet adventure for me. It was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. Breathtakingly beautiful, phenomenally historic and just a culture so different from my own. And it awakened that other LeShayne, the one who usually is shoved tightly in a budget conscious, responsible and devoted parent, box. And yet at the end of the day I missed my family so much. And was so glad to get home to be with them. To give hugs and bedtime kisses and share life.

At the end of the day I have everything I want and way more than I need. I am blessed in many ways far greater than I could have ever imagined. And yet I am thankful for the ease and opportunity to get away sometimes, to let the other LeShayne have her moment too, so I can come back and remember how great it is. To remember why she is the one living under wraps while LeShayne the mom, LeShayne the wife, LeShayne the responsible adult rules here.

**I should add that while I sound like I have lost my mind this online blog is the closest I have and ever will come to a regular diary. Since it is written in a public forum I should probably sometimes shut up but one day I will look back and be glad I was honest. I think. So this is the record of my life,my chaos. And you can judge me for it or agree with it and it will still be what it is.**